Last night my ex said he was going to wake up early today and come pick up the baby for a few hours before he had to work at 4p.m. I told him we'd be up by 8a.m. and he could come any time after that. 5:45p.m. today rolled around and I received a text. "How is Silas feeling?" Silas was sick all day Saturday, Saturday night, and all day Sunday. He had a fever and couldn't stop throwing up. It's pretty exhausting to be pregnant with a sick baby. I forgot about that. It's been 9 years since my last round of babies. I kept the conversation on Silas and asked why he didn't show. He said that he didn't wake up in time. Must've been another long night of peeing in bus stops and prancing around wasted with unicorns painted on our heads...kept my thoughts to myself and told him I needed a new car seat and playpen for Stella. I said it would be really cool if he could contribute something towards her and that I'd greatly appreciate it. His response? "That sucks. Why don't you ask your facebook friends for child support to get that stuff?"
Another display of awesomeness from the "conservative Christian amazing father" whose mother pays his child support...which they're 3 months late on...but anyway...
I didn't respond. He's baiting me. If he can suck me back in emotionally he can drain me until I break and he ends up manipulating me back into the relationship. Eff that. I've got the game he plays all figured out. I'm a ex-blind expert at it.
I realized today that I didn't receive child support from my ex husband, or ANY support from him, for 7 years and it didn't bother me one bit. Why not? Because he was proud he didn't pay child support. He "had alcohol to buy." He never said he was a great dad, never pretended to be one, never made himself out to be anything, and I've gotta be real honest...I respect that. At least he knew he wasn't the better parent and stepped out. And because of that I've never been angry with him over anything. It's so much easier to accept a person when you know, and when they admit what they are, or aren't.
This time around with my ex boyfriend is obviously so filled with challenges, one of them learning to be ok without receiving physical or financial help from a guy who tells everyone he goes above and beyond to be a wonderful dad. And on days he's not being a good dad he's telling everyone around him that it's my fault or his mother's fault that he can't be a good dad.
Other than all that jazz, life is good. Silas is feeling better, I taught him to dance like a couple and he LOVES it, he's been a broken record of "uh oh" and "Nnnnnyoooo", and Kelsey's birthday is tomorrow.
They just keep growing up...
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