In this moment I am happy and I don't wish you were here.

10th birthday success!!!  He got everything he wanted...bowling on Friday, basketball game Saturday, family party on Sunday, and the lego batcave. 

I did not get the job on Thursday.  They called me this a.m. and said, "good luck with your, um, uh, situation."  They couldn't stop looking at my stomach while I was training so I'm guessing that's what they consider my "situation."  I don't even care and was actually relieved.  I decided an hour and a half into training that I'm not serving for a long time...if ever again.  There's not even a word that describes how much I hate it.  And why am I serving with a medical assisting degree and cosmetology license??  

My ex keeps asking, "what are you going to do?"  I believe he's suggesting I take him back and tolerate his bipolar O.C.D. bullshit and I say fuck that.  Over the weekend I learned of ANOTHER girl who lives an hour away that he's been texting/hanging out with and has the entire time I was with him.  The things you can find out with a few clicks on facebook is unbelievable.  Of course, he tried to deny it even after I showed him what I found.  Stuttering, and making up the most ridiculous excuses I've ever heard, like always.  I explained to him that I wasn't showing him because I care, I was showing him so that he knows that I know, so there's really nothing to lie about anymore.  There's no feelings left on my end and I don't care.  For whatever reason, he can't grasp that and still continues to lie.  I don't even care if he lies anymore.  I'm done.  I love being alone.  I also love the fact that one day, when I'm not pregnant or nursing, I can date.  I'm excited about it.  I have interests, I grew up, I'm not intimidated by "good" people, I've embraced that I'm a huge nerd, am pretty socially awkward, am super quiet, and I don't want any kind of future with a bad boy whatsoever.  I've lost 95% of my codependency issues, I have no desire to "fix" people anymore, I'm ok with that if I'm going to be with someone it needs to be with a person who pays a lot of attention to me and dazzles my reputation in public rather than destroys me.  The core of me IS mildly selfish and I'd rather embrace THAT than hide it by being in relationships where I have to take care of the other person as if I'm their parent.  Gross.

And after this blog, I'm never swearing again.  I don't know where that came from, but it's so uneducated, and it reminds me of every trashbag I've ever dated.