Thursday, March 29, 2012

Questions to Judge Your Relationship

Is your boyfriend often indifferent to your activities, interests, ideas, feelings, or problems?
Yes.  He is completely dismissive of these things unless he agrees with them.
Does he compromise in little things, such as where to go or what to do?
No.  If I'm uncomfortable somewhere he tells me to leave.
Is he selfish?
Yes.  Currently, he does not ask about my pregnancy because "it has nothing to do with" him.
Have you often been very disappointed, hurt, or upset by him?
I've never been so disappointed, hurt, or upset by anyone else in my life.  I spend a good majority of my days feeling regret over ever being with him and then I feel guilty because I don't regret Silas.
Do you often feel manipulated?
I NEVER get to do what I want or what's best for me when he's around, so yes.
Can he admit to making mistakes and apologize?
He's never admitted a mistake.  He's apologized on 4 separate occasions, each time saying, "I'm sorry for whatever it is I contributed to us fighting."  He never owns anything or seems to know what it is he did wrong.
Can he forgive you?
No.  Absolutely not.
How does he treat you when:
He feels angry?
When he's angry he uses his time with Silas to verbally assault me through text/email.  He's also had Silas dedicated behind my back, kept him illegally, (due to our court order) for an entire weekend while I was nursing, and taken him to the ER claiming Silas was suffering from an overdose, (although he was not currently taking any medication) to try and get Silas taken away from me.  He intimidates me and embarrasses me online and talks to me like an idiot in public.  He makes up stories about me to authorities and mutual friends to get people against me or get me in trouble.
Things go wrong?
See above paragraph.
You have many problems?
He withdraws.
When you feel upset or depressed?
He yells or laughs at me and then withdraws.
Does he show patience in anger? Hit walls, throw or break objects, or hurt animals in anger?
He pushes me, throws his hands in the air, and yells, "get your hands off of me!!"
Does he become angry frequently or unnecessarily?
Anytime I show emotion he loses control.
Is his anger sometimes very intense?
He threatened my life on a public forum so I stayed at my friend's house overnight, so I'd say yes.
How does he treat other people when he feels angry?
He yells at and insults them, then shuts them out of his life until they come to him.
Has he threatened, intimidated, or hit you or anyone else?
All of the above.
Can you spontaneously say what you feel, or do certain topics result in bad feelings or trouble?
I walk on eggshells and if I don't it's a disaster.
Is he open to your expressing your needs in the relationship, or occasionally unwilling to listen and discuss things?
He criticizes me if I have needs.
Can you discuss and resolve problems and sensitive issues?
I don't bother because he'll just blow up and blame me for everything.
Do you both compromise or does he always dominate and you give in?
I give in to keep the peace.
Do you trust him?
NO
Is he honest and dependable?
NO
Have there been many lies or deceptions by not telling the whole truth?
YES
Do you feel comfortable and relaxed when you are together?
I feel ugly, incompetent, scared, and stupid.
Can you enjoy yourself and have fun?
No.  One wrong move and he'll call the cops with some random and ridiculous story.
Does he show good judgment that considers the future consequences of his actions on both of you?
He doesn't ever plan for the future.
Does he have an alcohol or drug problem?
I've been told he is an alcoholic by a few alcoholics.
Do you respect each other’s values and goals?
I respect his.
Does he bring out the best in you or does he bring out negative things?
He brings out nothing in me.  I've learned to act like a robot around him.
Does this contribute to your problems, such as depression or low self-esteem?
My self esteem has been replaced by anxiety.  Some days I don't even want to leave my house because I have developed such a complex.
Are you both proud to be seen together?
No.  I immediately feel negatively judged because of all the horrible things he tells people about me.

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