I don't have time to feel like this, I've got too many kids. But I feel it alright. There isn't a room in my house unoccupied by a child so I went in the basement while having a meltdown. And I melted down right into a laundry basket with clothes in it. Then I opened the dryer and contemplated hiding in it...then laughed at myself because...I just had baby #4 and I'm so small I could fit in a dryer...what the?? I'm hurting. I forgot how hard it was to just give birth to a baby and watch your ex move on less than a week after. And this one rubs it in my face...well that and not wanting to be a dad anymore and blaming THAT on me too.
Every little thing is weighing me down. Even the lady at the WIC office made me cry because she asked, "what do you mean you don't have anyone who supports your decision to nurse?" Like, hey lady, this is my 4th kid, no one's fucking happy about that - do you think they give a shit about how it's going to eat? Instead, I just looked at her and smiled because that's what I do.
Stupid hormones. Just fucking stupid. So is swearing.
"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" ~Rose Kennedy
You can't bottle things up and just smile. That won't help you. You have to let yourself feel how you feel. And your baby supports your decision to nurse and she's the only one who matters!! Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYou're always right. I always try to talk myself out of my feelings though because I don't want to feel like crap or be a dumpy person to be around.
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