And sometimes I think I should title my blog, "Dear Lacey." I'm not complaining. I like Lacey. Today I had that breakdown moment. The one where you're paralyzed and all you can think of is, "someone please help me," when my phone went off and I had an email. A comment notification. And then the feeling of being paralyzed vanished and was replaced with thankfulness/tears.
I've been pretty stressed to say the least. Stella has a double ear infection, my house is covered in Legos, she started crawling two days ago, and now I feel completely outnumbered and overwhelmed. She's such a mommy's girl too. I love it but sometimes I need to fold laundry, or shower, or eat something. I love my job dearly but I don't make enough money for how much physical work I do. It's way more than doing hair. Nursing homes are hard places to work in. It's a lot of nurturing, double and triple draping and caping, squatting during an entire haircut, repeating yourself over and over and over and over and over again, and watching aides treat these people like garbage. It's unbelievable. I often remember why I'm not in healthcare anymore...which makes me regret...so many regrets. Yeah, yeah, I know that no one is supposed to have those but I do. I wish I'd have gotten a good degree before I had kids. I wish I wouldn't have given up on myself at such a young age. I wish I made more money so I could spend it on other people. I swear I could blow an entire paycheck on things for other people. Fundraisers, presents, bake sales, I'm nuts.
Holy moly I'm exhausted.
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