I love my kids so much it's undefinable.

I'm lucky. I'm blessed. Call it whatever you want to call it. My kids bring me so much happiness that at times I feel like my heart is going to explode.

Christopher is such a good kid. He's considerate. He's at the age where seeing girls naked is something that makes him uncomfortable. He likes privacy when he pees. He works at enunciating his words, calls his grandma to see if she needs anything done around the house, reprimands his brother for repeating the word "sucks," practices the flute daily, bathes his baby sister and rocks her to sleep, and starts my car in the morning. He's a home body. He's a lot like me.

Kelsey is on her way to puberty. She's pretty emotional, I feel like nothing's ever good enough, yet she's so happy to be with her family. She has a bond with her brothers that no one can touch. I've never seen anything like it. Her baby brother means the world to her. She showers with him, reads him stories, and gets him ready for daycare in the morning. She's the best helper I've ever met and at times I don't know what I'd do without her help. I admire her social skills and confidence. She's been doing great at school since I got her an IEP and she's decided she wants to go to fashion school to design clothes. My mom is going to teach her to sew.

Silas speaks!! About 3 weeks ago his vocabulary developed immensely in to full blown toddler tornado chatter box madness. He can say every word. He can even spell "coke," and he's read a few words here and there. I wonder if he was learning every word until he knew them all and then decided to talk. His new phrase is, "I love it!" He's awesome. He's become quite the little hoarder since he began daycare. He has gift bags and boxes filled with everything you could imagine, from valentines day cards to q-tips to Barbie shoes. Whenever something goes missing I know where to find it. He also has a friend at school named Edward, who he tells on constantly, yet says goodbye to daily. It's super adorable.

And Stella. Oh, my sweet little baby "La." She's so squishy and cuddly. She's a total mommy's girl. It makes me feel like I'm on a cloud. I can't leave the room or turn away from her without her whining. I tried laying her down in her crib last night and she winced the second I walked away. I'm a caver. I picked her right back up, held her tight, and she molded her body to mine. Pure love!! She's always happy, says "baba, nana, dada, mama, fafa," and loves sweet potatoes and rice cereal. She bounces when she's excited too. I have no idea where she gets that from...

Oh baby, you're not really a baby anymore.

Silas said, "I love you" to me last night!!!  Perfect.  He's been, "lo-law-low-ing" for the past 3 days and he turned it into I love you.  So precious!

The kids and I went out to eat with my mom last night.  Silas fell asleep in the car on the way to the restaurant at 5p.m. on the dot like usual and when we arrived he woke up and was a super sweetheart.  He was quiet...he's NEVER quiet!  He usually screams in delight with his arms above his head everywhere we go.  It's awesome and cracks me up constantly.  I've never had such a happy kid.  He babbled to my mom in an indoor voice, ate all Christopher's fruit cup and all 3 pieces of my sausage links, and drank his entire chocolate milk.  After dinner we went to the fabric store where Silas shrieked with excitement for about 20 minutes while my mom and I picked out fabric for curtains in my bedroom.  Oh boy, it's a pretty obnoxious pattern, but I'm excited!  My mom took Chris and Kelsey to her house with her while I took Silas to Hallmark for his baby sister's 1 year calendar and to Walmart so I could get a can of paint replaced.  He was such a good boy in both stores, babbling to everyone, waving bye bye, and only occasionally trying to bite and lick me, (sometimes he thinks he's a puppy - no joke) which was a plus for my hands and wrists.

Monday night I caught Silas in Kelsey's room brushing Barbie's hair with a Barbie brush.  He's getting ready to have a baby sister!!  Also that night I caught Stella Kat's foot through my stomach.  I did that with Silas when I was only about 18 weeks along with him.  It's the coolest thing in the world, one of those memories that always bring me back to the exact excitement I felt at the time I made the memory.

I love, love, love having a toddler.  I forgot how much I love this phase.  They're so weird, quirky, and lovey dovey...just like me!!!  I am so pumped about this new baby!!!  I had contractions 10 minutes apart last night for 2 hours until I fell asleep.  Hopefully, she'll be here soon!  

I'm not ready for all this growing up nonsense.

Two nights ago, Silas gave his dad and me REAL kisses.  He tried to open mouth kiss me, which was super cute, so I kept showing him how to smooch and he did it!!!  He's the best baby even though he's not really a baby anymore.  He whispered "pee-sa" a few nights ago as he took a piece of pizza off of my plate.  I loved it.

Chris and Kelsey always want to be out and about.  Not that they hate home, but they want to be with their friends.  I don't know how to manage it.  There's one rule involved...I don't let them go to anyone's house who's parents I'm not friends with.  So...they can only go to 3 houses...oops.  Other parents are weird though.  They just drop their kids off wherever, whenever, with whoever and never meet the other parents.  I don't understand it.  I was pretty sheltered when I was growing up.  My mom used to say I was her favorite person in the world and she wouldn't just share me with anyone.  I guess I'm the same way now.  One time I let Kelsey have a classmate over for a "play date."  The little girl's dad is a social worker...he didn't even come in and meet me...and while the girls were playing Barbies in Kelsey's room I overheard the little girl say, "Dad!!!  Mom's drinking beer and it's not even noon!!!"  Then, when her dad picked her up, he asked me out...and it's very obvious I'm pregnant.  Needless to say, she hasn't come over to play again.  Eek.  I need to get better at time management too.  Being a single parent has always made me pretty crummy at following a complete routine for them.  I just want them to be good people and I get a little/a lot stressed out about it.

Oh.  And I'm 27 weeks pregnant today...but I still can't figure out how I'm going to tell my mom...

I love April.

My birthday is on Friday and I'm super excited.  I don't know why.  Maybe I just love my birthday.  I don't care about getting older.  I've aged pretty well.  So far.  And you'd never know I have almost 4 kids by looking at me so who cares about aging?!

The storm has calmed down quite a bit.  As it usually does.  I wonder how long the calmness will last this time?  I need a miracle.  I'd like it to last forever.  Or I'd like to just find someone else.

I had a creepily emotional day today.  Everything made me cry.  Silas refused to eat all day.  He wouldn't even take a bite of his Malley's chocolate ice cream with marshmallow on top...so I ate it.  I think he gets super stressed when I'm stressed.  He's so clingy when I'm upset.  Poor little guy.  I wonder when he'll start talking, but I kind of like that the only two words he can say are, "mama," and "car."  I communicate with him so well without words.  I know everything he wants by whatever noises he makes.  That's all that matters.

It's bedtime.